it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
