I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
