if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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