he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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