i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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