his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
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My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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