It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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