Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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