omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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