i barfeds in our rink
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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