dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
