Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
