Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
