You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize