Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
