We're like a lot better than the average bears
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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