Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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