Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
