Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
