o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
