Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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