Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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