If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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