you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
