So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
worst night to have a conscience
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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