I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
