Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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