he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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