I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
