Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
