I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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