So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
