I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
