hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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