My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
