that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
