If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
