At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
