Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
