I love black thongs
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
