Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
