I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize