Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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