so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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