i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
