I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
