Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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