someone owes me an orgasm
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
