Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
