I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
