Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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