We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
