cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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