I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
