My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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