she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
