you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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