I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
