just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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