New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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