Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
