I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
