Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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