She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Who died my cat blue again?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
