I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize