You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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