If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
